| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
11 July, 1894
Ernest Moffat,
Butcher and Poulterer,
Keynsham Lane,
London, E.
Moffat
My butler tells me that although he has insisted repeatedly upon an improvement in the quality of goods you supply we have again received a consignment of fatty meat.
I tell you again, Sir: I do not like fat! I will not have it near me. It promotes mental torpor and furnishes no nourishment nor purpose save to add itself with enthusiasm to those already obese. Save your fat for other people! I will not have it in my house.
If your next delivery is not all lean then I shall box the ears of your delivery boy.
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
17 August, 1894
Carl Magritte,
Lampe Str. 54,
Munchen,
Germany.
Dear Magritte
Very well; it shall be as you say. Although I am still unsure about the substitution of Hoffguard for Lendelson.
I spoke with Gatter yesterday. He did not send his best wishes; in fact he was abusive and his remarks inflammatory. I suspect that he was inebriated as there was a strong, unpleasant odour apparent in his chambers, the formaldehyde notwithstanding.
When I later chastised O'Fennel for crying out he retorted: 'God is in the detail!' This meant nothing to me. Indeed I am still confused by it. Does it mean anything to you?
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
27 September, 1894
Colonel Edgar Mullet,
Mullet Towers,
Uckfield,
Sussex
Sir
I am outraged at your suggestion! I cannot countenance the proposition that I return any portion of your fee. Such a suggestion is ludicrous, as well as detrimental to my financial position!
Indeed, I should very grateful if you would deign to share with me your proposal as to how such a proportion even be calculated - if your wife can still sit for half of her usual time them half should be retained?! Ridiculous!! I tell you, Sir, that you anger me beyond measure. It will be a sorry day for all if any of your family appears in my surgery again.
Yours etc.
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
26 August, 1916
Messrs. Secombe & Blowers,
2 High St.,
Bagshot,
Surrey.
Sirs,
Your letter of the 5th inst. is as insulting as it is inaccurate!
If you examine the accounts provided with previous correspondence, you will discover that you have specified the wrong entry, on the wrong date, and for the wrong amount!
You specify:
August 18th Trouser hemming £0 : 11s : 6d
when the entry should read:
August 19th Trouser pressing £0 : 11s : 4d
A considerable difference, I think you will readily own!
Before you instruct your clerk to pen more opprobrious or egregious detritus, I suggest most respectfully that it would be prudent if you ensured that your facts were correct!
Awaiting your (error-checked and accurate!) response I remain,
Yours &c.,
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
11 July, 1894
Ernest Moffat,
Butcher and Poulterer,
Keynsham Lane,
London, E.
Moffat
My butler tells me that although he has insisted repeatedly upon an improvement in the quality of goods you supply we have again received a consignment of fatty meat.
I tell you again, Sir: I do not like fat! I will not have it near me. It promotes mental torpor and furnishes no nourishment nor purpose save to add itself with enthusiasm to those already obese. Save your fat for other people! I will not have it in my house.
If your next delivery is not all lean then I shall box the ears of your delivery boy.
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
17 August, 1894
Carl Magritte,
Lampe Str. 54,
Munchen,
Germany.
Dear Magritte
Very well; it shall be as you say. Although I am still unsure about the substitution of Hoffguard for Lendelson.
I spoke with Gatter yesterday. He did not send his best wishes; in fact he was abusive and his remarks inflammatory. I suspect that he was inebriated as there was a strong, unpleasant odour apparent in his chambers, the formaldehyde notwithstanding.
When I later chastised O'Fennel for crying out he retorted: 'God is in the detail!' This meant nothing to me. Indeed I am still confused by it. Does it mean anything to you?
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
27 September, 1894
Colonel Edgar Mullet,
Mullet Towers,
Uckfield,
Sussex
Sir
I am outraged at your suggestion! I cannot countenance the proposition that I return any portion of your fee. Such a suggestion is ludicrous, as well as detrimental to my financial position!
Indeed, I should very grateful if you would deign to share with me your proposal as to how such a proportion even be calculated - if your wife can still sit for half of her usual time them half should be retained?! Ridiculous!! I tell you, Sir, that you anger me beyond measure. It will be a sorry day for all if any of your family appears in my surgery again.
Yours etc.
Selman-Troytt
| J. Selman-Troytt, Esq., |
| 14 Berkeley Square, |
| London, W. |
26 August, 1916
Messrs. Secombe & Blowers,
2 High St.,
Bagshot,
Surrey.
Sirs,
Your letter of the 5th inst. is as insulting as it is inaccurate!
If you examine the accounts provided with previous correspondence, you will discover that you have specified the wrong entry, on the wrong date, and for the wrong amount!
You specify:
August 18th Trouser hemming £0 : 11s : 6d
when the entry should read:
August 19th Trouser pressing £0 : 11s : 4d
A considerable difference, I think you will readily own!
Before you instruct your clerk to pen more opprobrious or egregious detritus, I suggest most respectfully that it would be prudent if you ensured that your facts were correct!
Awaiting your (error-checked and accurate!) response I remain,
Yours &c.,
Selman-Troytt
