The Selman-Troytt Commemoration Details of the published version of The Selman-Troytt Papers, which contains extensive additional material about Jeremy Selman-Troytt. Pub. by Old Street Publishing
Note from Mr Finlayson's personal assistant, Davina: Regrettably, our pith collection tool has been closed intermittently throughout 2007 due to the actions of spamming robots assaulting these pages with ads for sexual aids and drugs to enhance sexual performance. As our female researchers already have a full complement of favoured sexual devices with which they are entirely happy, and as our male employees are past the age where any drug could affect their sexual performance, there seemed little point in allowing the flow of ads to swamp the pearls of wisdom left by the more intelligent and more enlightened of our delightful visitors. However, we are trying several methods to prohibit robots whilst enabling humans, so please try to leave pith on this visit.
Visitor Wisdom
Selman-Troytt Appreciation Society
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Name Comments
AST

Location:
Sao Tome And Principe


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 08.03.2008 23:29

ZCZC PORTISHEADRADIO 2355Z090308 SAOTAOME 38

SAO TAOME STOP GREAT DISCOVERY STOP CONFIRM EXISTANCE OF TWIN BROTHER JOSHUA STOP EVIDENCE FROM GRANDFATHER STOP HAND WRITTEN NOTE STOP CONSIGNED TO BOTTLE AND CAST ADRIFT OFF SHORE STOP EXPECT DELIVERY WITHIN EIGHT YEARS STOP AMANDA STOP

COL SAO TAOME JOSHUA AMANDA
ENDS ++++
NNNN
Bearded Lady

Location:
United States


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 13.02.2008 18:31

I love the sense of humor of this site. The valentine cards are the best i've seen! Does the book have the same humor?
  
Finlay replies: Humour! What sense of humour? This site is dedicated to serious scientific and medical research designed to make people less-uncomfortable with the embarrassing and involuntary functions of their bodies.

I can assure that the book covers similarly important themes and topics, and is couched in similar terms, so if you've had the misfortune to discover mis-placed humour in one then doubtless you will suffer similar ill-effects from the other.

Humour indeed! Do you believe that Selman-Troytt devoted his life to a minute examination of his prepuce for your entertainment!
Woman (no beard) :o)3

Location:
Algeria


IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US;
Posted: 11.02.2008 16:15

Am I the only one who hasn't bought this book! Sorry. Sue me. Love teh cards though. Found the perfect sentiment for the yummiest, sexiest, feistola machine in the world (Zoobs, you know who you are!!! Luv ya!!!!!) KST (without tongue!) xxxxxxxxx

Man with beard

Location:
Cuba


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 11.02.2008 14:28

I hadn't been here for a while (indeed not since I last needed a card for dengue fever) and was amazed to see both a spanking new design and news of a book! Gadzooks and forsooth! I promptly ordered the book on a whim and experienced many a trouser filling moment and much public embarrassment. Am I supposed to thank you for this? It is now finished (the book, not the soling). Is anyone interested in a heavily soiled copy (of the book, not my trousers)? Best wishes to whoever (whatever?) wrote this feast for the vulgarian.

Love (and kisses on the bottom)

Man with beard

Man without beard

Location:
Albania


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 10.01.2008 11:07

Fantastic book! Finished it yesterday and really loved it. Now I'm disappointed that I haven't got it to read again for the first time. Any chance of a second volume?
Count de Monte Christo

Location:
Western Sahara


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 01.12.2007 14:00

I'm only a very recent convert to Jeremy's wonderfully useful teachings, having found out about this site from the book, so I realise that scarcely makes me current or hip and that anything nice I say will probably have already been said long ago. But I still wanted to record my praise anyway because I thought the book was tremendously funny and I think the whole site is a great achievement. In fact I was so enthusiastic about it that I recorded my praise on Amazon, so I hope I've now done my bit to support the great man's works!

Hmmm ... having shown my support in that way, does that make me an 'honorary' friend of the society, I wonder? ;o)

Big respect to all involved in this!

Yours

Count de Monte Christo

PS Not too pithy I know, but definitely sincere and heartfelt!
  
Finlay replies:

Dear Count (or should that be 'Comte' considering your background?)

Please excuse my tardiness in replying but I am connected to a ventilator and unable to move my limbs for most of the day, and too weak during the remainder to dictate responses.

Pith or no pith, your courteous and aristocratic communiqué was a fillip for everyone at my bedside. Doubtless you are a man of science yourself, for how else could you have grasped the technical complexities of Selman-Troytt's work sufficiently well to have appreciated their worth in so short a time since publication? That you should have been moved also to write something kind and supportive about them somewhere fills me with a such effervescent joy that I find myself able to breathe unaided for extra minutes at a time. Were Selman-Troytt alive today I am sure he would be similarly moved by your responses to his work. Let me express our deepest gratitude to you without reserve. As you go about your tasks today, know in your heart that there are a small number of very fragile and elderly persons who give thanks for you presence upon the earth.

As to your question: consider it unnecessary. Have no doubt that we regard you as a lifelong 'Friend' to this Society.

With kindest regards

Finlay Finlayson

Dictated to Sylvia Westbrook (Mrs)


AST

Location:
Other-Not Shown


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 26.11.2007 23:47

ZCZC PORTISHEADRADIO 2355Z112607 KNM HORTEN
22

TWOBOATS VILLAGE STHELENA STOP MADE GOOD TIME STOP PROVISIONS WATER STOP DEPART SOUTH GEORGIA 0800 021207 STOP SEND INSTRUCTIONS STOP AST STOP

COL 0800 021207 AST
ENDS ++++
NNNN
Amanda Susan Thrippshorne,

Location:
Antigua And Barbuda


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 23.11.2007 12:30

This is all too much. Such loyalty and gratitude. I am overcome.

However, as you can see from my posting, I have since moved on to the white sands of Antigua. Where I am learning how to wait for a tickle at short leg, from Mr Curtley Ambrose.

I have left word in Ocho Rios that all mail is forwarded onto me in Antigua. Sadly, I fear, that the pewter trophy may have to follow me to Bouvet Island in the South Atlantic.

I have read the exciting news about Capt P. Badinage and his claim to have located the journals of 'Joshua' Selman-Troytt.

There is a science vessel of the Norwegian Metrology Service which leaves tomorrow, investigating the Vela Incident, which in 1979 reported to be a Nuclean Aerial explosion or a metor strike. They have promised me passage to Mc Donald Island, on their way to Melbourne.

I think that Capt P Badinage must be mistaken and is probably referring to Joshia Selman-Troytt who we learn from Miss Felicity Lauiti Paenui (Nee Snodgrass) from her posting on this web site Friday, June 25th 1999, was interred in Methodist Chapel graveyard on Funafuti Tuvalu, in the South Pacific.

Surely it was Josiah who railed against his brother Jeremy (uncle of JST of note)that Capt P Badinage is referring to.

When Capt Lars Norkopping and his rough sailors, hoist me aboard their converted whaler for the six month voyage into uncharted waters, I will endeavour to write more.

Until then, its time for Mr Ambrose to bowl this maiden over.

TTFN

AST
English Harbour
Antigua
23 Nov 2007
Amanda Susan Thrippshorne,

Location:
Jamaica


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 22.11.2007 18:06

I write from the warmth of a beach near Ocho Rios.

After many years as a loyal assistant to Mr Finlayson, I have been turned over for a young strumpet with furtive looks and a pneumatic bosom. Davina, indeed!

I who have, for these many years, researched the smallest of Mr Finlayson's auto-masturbatory prosthetic additions, cast aside, my firmer years behind me, to lay prostrate on this beach, oiled, massaged and otherwise fondled by native boys.

The ignominy.

AST
Ochos Rios
Jamica
22nd November 2007
  
Finlay replies:
Amanda? Is that you? What are you doing in Jamaica? I don't understand. When I last saw you, just as I was being loaded in the ambulance, everything was normal. You were seated at your desk, toasting a scone for breakfast. And now this. I cannot comprehend it. You simply must come back. Please. I have made you a beneficiary in my will. I have left you my pewter toast rack. It is very heavy and if you do not return I fear that shipping charges for it to Jamaica will be prohibitive. Davina is the niece of Sir Cuthbert Cuthbert. She is only one of twelve newly-recruited personal assistants. There is nothing sinister about her appointment, Amanda. She is a charming girl, but lacks your experience of our archiving system. Also, she has not your arm strength as her muscles have yet to develop. I beg you, Amanda ... come home. I am due to be discharged shortly, having regained sufficient strength in my legs to be able to stand for minutes at a time, but my distress at this news cause me to relapse. Amanda, dearest, please be in the office when I return. I cannot bear to think you will not be there.
(Dictated to Sylvia Westbrook (Mrs))


Amanda, come back at once! How dare you leave the office unattended when we are all occupied so constantly at the hospital! You are causing Mr Finlayson great distress. An assistant of your maturity and pedigree should be displaying more responsibility at such a trying time for us all. If the girls cannot look to you for leadership, then to whom should they look? I shall expect you on the next flight.

Sylvia Westbrook (Mrs)
Perciflage Badinage

Location:
Heard And Mc Donald Islands


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 22.11.2007 15:34

I am having this missive relayed to the wide world by an anoymous (to me) agent. Since somewhat distant and mostly barren landscape and in summer time below zero external temperatures, the bleakness of my surroundings leave often plenteous hours of self examination.

A world about my homeland.

No landing was made on the islands until March 1855, when sealers from the Corinthian led by Captain Erasmus Darwin Rogers went ashore, at a place called Oil Barrel Point. In the sealing period from 1855–1880, a number of American sealers spent a year or more on the island, living in appalling conditions in dark smelly huts, also at Oil Barrel Point. At its peak the community consisted of 200 people. By 1880, most of the seal population had been wiped out and the sealers left the island. In all, more than 100,000 barrels of elephant seal oil was produced during this period.

It was during this time that Joshua Selman-Troytt, in search of a good oil for putty sealant, spent 4 years stranded on Heard.

I have, in my posession, his hand written notes, journals, and mutterings. These all seem to focus on his rage and jealousy for his brother, Jeremy.

Should you wish to obtain these, send word by whaler, post restante, melbourne. Where from a cutter, or some other bark, may ferry me your response.

It may take some time for this mesage to come to you, as I am short of bottles, from which to cast this letter, hence, I have sealed it in to a cocoon made from volcanic basalt and penguin guano.

With God's speed and good fortune, it will make a good landfall.

Sincerely,
P. Badinage (Capt, Retired)
Oil Barrel Point
Mc Donald Island.
15 March 1927.
  
Finlay replies:
Indeed, if true, this is exciting news, Captain Badinage! However, we are somewhat concerned over a minor inconsistency in your account, for Jeremy had no brother called Joshua. The only Joshua in the Selman-Troytt family was Jeremy's paternal grandfather. Irrespective of that, we cannot pass up the possibility that more Selman-Troytt memorabilia may come to light. Please package your papers in another guano-sealed container and commit them to the waves. We shall send word to you when they arrive.

Trusting this finds you still in good health, I remain

Yours faithfully

Sheridan Morpeth (Senior Archivist)
pp Mr Finlayson
Serchiviski (Leonid)





IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-GB; rv
Posted: 20.11.2007 11:03

In Moscow we stare bleakly at the future and drink the contents of our fire extinguishers in place of even the cheapest rubbing alcohol.

This is because most citizens are poor in spirit (ha ha!) as well as wealth, and have no prospects and no sense of humour. Beyond that, everything is fine.

If you are Russian you have the choice of being rich, brash, ruthless, vulgar, cold-hearted, cheap, and without taste ... or all of these.

I am all of these ...

Spaceba

Post Scriptovski. I am loving your new site look too much you Western decadent babes. Here in Moscow we have no problem with impotence, because no one can get erection when filled with 100% grain alcohol so women expect no better and are not disappointed. So instead of floppy cold intercourse in a freezing alley they try to look for hot UK passport held by bald, desperate Englishman.
claud reigns

Location:
Zimbabwe


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 06.09.2007 11:12

by the power of Mugabe we see magic worked upon the world, turning what was good and clean into something pestilential, corrupt and obscene.

Mugabe needs a consultation with this Selman-Troytt character, not only to prove to him that his brain is rotting but to explore why his foreskin is tougher than elephant hide. As far as i can see, the whole Mugabe administration suffered an explosive communal bowel movement a long time ago, and out of it stepped Robert.
  
Finlay replies: Umm ... well, quite. Fraternal greetings brother. We extend a gracious hand of welcome to all those who labour and suffer under despotic regimes.

If it's of any interest to anyone in Zimbabwe, we have Selman-Troytt's original callipers with which Mugabe's foreskin could be measured, as well as several tests to which it could be subjected to establish its toughness.

I hope that's a comfort to you Mr Reigns ...
Terabanitoss

Location:
Bermuda


IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv
Posted: 06.05.2007 23:01

Hi all!
You are The Best!!!
G'night


Tramadol

Location:
Libyan Arab Jamahiriya


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 04.05.2007 00:22

Cheap ! Indeed, the nerve of the man.

Why must I be lambasted with such vitriol on your website.

This calumny committed against my person by your co-respondent Atpekarik, has somewhat upset the delicate nature of my well being.

Please discourage such outrageous vulgarities, in future. Otherwise, I shall be required to taken legal recourse against this website.

Sincerely,
Miss Agnes Tramadol
Atpekarik

Location:
United Kingdom


IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-US; rv:1.7.3)
Posted: 04.05.2007 00:03

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Derdesa

Location:
United Kingdom


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 03.05.2007 10:38

Hi, every day I receive this (or other) message:
Dont visit this site - sofa sex
  
Finlay replies: Our sympathies go out to you, and any other recipient of such a message, even though we are unsure of its meaning or import ... or precisely why you should have added this intelligence to our guest book.

However, notwithstanding our complete ignorance regarding your intentions, we welcome you in as an aficionado of Selman-Troytt.

With regards to Selman-Troytt's work, I am pleased to report that a compendium of his collected works (now to be entitled 'The Selman-Troytt Papers') is on schedule for publication at the end of this year (2007).

Presently the manuscript is being proofed and moderated by teams of academics.

More information on the book can be obtained by clicking the 'News!' button at the top right of this screen.
promdress

Location:
United Kingdom


IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv
Posted: 03.04.2007 03:50

Just a word of thanks to the person (team?) who wrote this. I think it's brilliant!

I've enjoyed several emissions just while reading it.
wight spoonerrilton

Location:
United Kingdom


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 18.03.2007 15:47

Hi all!
It's very nice site.
Nuncle Phatt

Location:
United States


IP logged Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.0; ru; rv:1.
Posted: 07.03.2007 12:28

came here. felt at home. have added caoutchoc to my own lexicon and intend to use it daily. good show. pip pip!
Derek Cod-Piece

Location:
Togo


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 15.02.2007 05:41

This is the funniest f****** web site I think I've ever seen! It creeps up on you as you start reading and before you know it you realise that your reading something really clever. Thanks for this. It must have taken someone ages to put all this together. Brilliant! F****** brilliant!!!
Gerard C

Location:
Ireland


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 08.02.2007 07:00

I got an anonymous valentine card from a guy last year and i was really flattered.. never found out who it was/none of my friends owned up to it.. I'm hoping for another one this year!
Dr. Mohamed N. Akl

Location:
United States


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 31.01.2007 15:55

Thanks for that card. The guy had a sexy figure.
Mohamed Akl

Location:
United States


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 29.12.2006 21:35

I love the gay cards. My boyfriend sends them to me daily. They are fantastic.
Bill

Location:
Guinea-Bissau


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1)
Posted: 02.11.2006 12:37

Hello, visit my home page:
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Gayping Flanj

Location:
Slovenia


IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1;
Posted: 04.10.2006 08:30

I want many thancks for amusing me so. Many things in site funny so much, the wife of my Hilda she laugh also very much. You make our Flanj weep with laugh.

 
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Although there is no definitive proof, The Selman-Troytt Postcard Emporium may be the oldest purveyor of E-cards on the Internet. A copy of our first Royal Warrant may be examined here. Since the granting of this illustrious award we have been patronised by numerous aristocrats, many of whom insist upon using Selman-Troytt cards to express the depth of their affections. Indeed many of our cards - particularly those concerned with incest - have been directly inspired by a close examination of aristocratic lifestyles.


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