I am searching for information on the Modesto claimant.

Having searched your site, I fear it has been redacted.

This increases my suspicions that you have discovered the true identity of the Modesto claimant and in a vain attempt to hide this fact, you have excised all mention of the Modesto claimant from your pages.

Please explain

does anyone know where i can buy some corn plasters? I've developed a corn alongside my normal collection of verrucas, warts and bunions and i want to give it the best possible care.

life being somewhat tough at the margins of the Sahara desert, it dismays me that having saved for 20 years to exchange our local currency into Sterling in order to acquire a copy of the Selman-Troytt papers, our investment has been ruined by outkast_josie . Selling this great and revered tome for the sum of 1 penny.

Why only yesterday, I placed my order with another vendor for 53 pence. This is a 98 pct decline in the value of my investment.

I fear I shall be ruined. My plans to re-sell this work at great profit have been dashed.

Its back to shelling peas, somewhat seasonal, though pleasant work.

I can earn about 20 CFA for a week's work. And there are only 655 CFA to the Euro.

I am on a beach in Aruba, getting sand blown beneath my prepuse.

I am repleat with satisfaction; full in the knowledge that the hardback edition of your great tome will be forthcoming, by packet steamer, to my abode.

Long furtive nights spent in idle self pleasure will now be enhanced by an indepth knowledge of the scientific nature of these notcurnal yearnings.

Ever yours
JVdS (not associated with Natalie Holloway or the other dude who has my name)

Ho, ho, ho.

i am looking for guidance to assist with the exhuberance of elfin emission in this yuletide.

the mere act of whittling wood seems to cause seepage.

i can no longer support the cleaning bill and the downtime caused by moaning and post ejaculatory febrility.

all assistance from any location.

This is a busy time of the year, as you understand.

Ho, Ho Hum.

Santa Clause.

You guys are waaaaay too crazy! are you suffreing from cholera? We don't have any here but maybe you got some there?

I tried to leave pith twice before in the last few months and this form didn't work so I got totally pithed off! (sorry, couldn't resist )

My hat goes off to you. I LOVE the cards and now i can't ejaculate without thinking of this site. That makes it hard for me to maintain an erection, but I'm not looking for compensation.

Although by your definition a 'square head', my sense of humour, like my creulty, knows no bounds. I am liking too much your Jeremy Selman-Troytt. I will introduce him to the people in my village, and tell them to read his memoirs or risk extermination. It's OK?

ZCZC PORTISHEADRADIO 2355Z090308 SAOTAOME 38

SAO TAOME STOP GREAT DISCOVERY STOP CONFIRM EXISTANCE OF TWIN BROTHER JOSHUA STOP EVIDENCE FROM GRANDFATHER STOP HAND WRITTEN NOTE STOP CONSIGNED TO BOTTLE AND CAST ADRIFT OFF SHORE STOP EXPECT DELIVERY WITHIN EIGHT YEARS STOP AMANDA STOP

COL SAO TAOME JOSHUA AMANDA
ENDS ++++
NNNN

I love the sense of humor of this site. The valentine cards are the best i've seen! Does the book have the same humor?

Am I the only one who hasn't bought this book! Sorry. Sue me. Love teh cards though. Found the perfect sentiment for the yummiest, sexiest, feistola machine in the world (Zoobs, you know who you are!!! Luv ya!!!!!) KST (without tongue!) xxxxxxxxx

I hadn't been here for a while (indeed not since I last needed a card for dengue fever) and was amazed to see both a spanking new design and news of a book! Gadzooks and forsooth! I promptly ordered the book on a whim and experienced many a trouser filling moment and much public embarrassment. Am I supposed to thank you for this? It is now finished (the book, not the soling). Is anyone interested in a heavily soiled copy (of the book, not my trousers)? Best wishes to whoever (whatever?) wrote this feast for the vulgarian.

Love (and kisses on the bottom)

Man with beard

Fantastic book! Finished it yesterday and really loved it. Now I'm disappointed that I haven't got it to read again for the first time. Any chance of a second volume?

I'm only a very recent convert to Jeremy's wonderfully useful teachings, having found out about this site from the book, so I realise that scarcely makes me current or hip and that anything nice I say will probably have already been said long ago. But I still wanted to record my praise anyway because I thought the book was tremendously funny and I think the whole site is a great achievement. In fact I was so enthusiastic about it that I recorded my praise on Amazon, so I hope I've now done my bit to support the great man's works!

Hmmm ... having shown my support in that way, does that make me an 'honorary' friend of the society, I wonder? ;o)

Big respect to all involved in this!

Yours

Count de Monte Christo

PS Not too pithy I know, but definitely sincere and heartfelt!

ZCZC PORTISHEADRADIO 2355Z112607 KNM HORTEN
22

TWOBOATS VILLAGE STHELENA STOP MADE GOOD TIME STOP PROVISIONS WATER STOP DEPART SOUTH GEORGIA 0800 021207 STOP SEND INSTRUCTIONS STOP AST STOP

COL 0800 021207 AST
ENDS ++++
NNNN

This is all too much. Such loyalty and gratitude. I am overcome.

However, as you can see from my posting, I have since moved on to the white sands of Antigua. Where I am learning how to wait for a tickle at short leg, from Mr Curtley Ambrose.

I have left word in Ocho Rios that all mail is forwarded onto me in Antigua. Sadly, I fear, that the pewter trophy may have to follow me to Bouvet Island in the South Atlantic.

I have read the exciting news about Capt P. Badinage and his claim to have located the journals of 'Joshua' Selman-Troytt.

There is a science vessel of the Norwegian Metrology Service which leaves tomorrow, investigating the Vela Incident, which in 1979 reported to be a Nuclean Aerial explosion or a metor strike. They have promised me passage to Mc Donald Island, on their way to Melbourne.

I think that Capt P Badinage must be mistaken and is probably referring to Joshia Selman-Troytt who we learn from Miss Felicity Lauiti Paenui (Nee Snodgrass) from her posting on this web site Friday, June 25th 1999, was interred in Methodist Chapel graveyard on Funafuti Tuvalu, in the South Pacific.

Surely it was Josiah who railed against his brother Jeremy (uncle of JST of note)that Capt P Badinage is referring to.

When Capt Lars Norkopping and his rough sailors, hoist me aboard their converted whaler for the six month voyage into uncharted waters, I will endeavour to write more.

Until then, its time for Mr Ambrose to bowl this maiden over.

TTFN

AST
English Harbour
Antigua
23 Nov 2007

I write from the warmth of a beach near Ocho Rios.

After many years as a loyal assistant to Mr Finlayson, I have been turned over for a young strumpet with furtive looks and a pneumatic bosom. Davina, indeed!

I who have, for these many years, researched the smallest of Mr Finlayson's auto-masturbatory prosthetic additions, cast aside, my firmer years behind me, to lay prostrate on this beach, oiled, massaged and otherwise fondled by native boys.

The ignominy.

AST
Ochos Rios
Jamica
22nd November 2007

I am having this missive relayed to the wide world by an anoymous (to me) agent. Since somewhat distant and mostly barren landscape and in summer time below zero external temperatures, the bleakness of my surroundings leave often plenteous hours of self examination.

A world about my homeland.

No landing was made on the islands until March 1855, when sealers from the Corinthian led by Captain Erasmus Darwin Rogers went ashore, at a place called Oil Barrel Point. In the sealing period from 1855–1880, a number of American sealers spent a year or more on the island, living in appalling conditions in dark smelly huts, also at Oil Barrel Point. At its peak the community consisted of 200 people. By 1880, most of the seal population had been wiped out and the sealers left the island. In all, more than 100,000 barrels of elephant seal oil was produced during this period.

It was during this time that Joshua Selman-Troytt, in search of a good oil for putty sealant, spent 4 years stranded on Heard.

I have, in my posession, his hand written notes, journals, and mutterings. These all seem to focus on his rage and jealousy for his brother, Jeremy.

Should you wish to obtain these, send word by whaler, post restante, melbourne. Where from a cutter, or some other bark, may ferry me your response.

It may take some time for this mesage to come to you, as I am short of bottles, from which to cast this letter, hence, I have sealed it in to a cocoon made from volcanic basalt and penguin guano.

With God's speed and good fortune, it will make a good landfall.

Sincerely,
P. Badinage (Capt, Retired)
Oil Barrel Point
Mc Donald Island.
15 March 1927.

In Moscow we stare bleakly at the future and drink the contents of our fire extinguishers in place of even the cheapest rubbing alcohol.

This is because most citizens are poor in spirit (ha ha!) as well as wealth, and have no prospects and no sense of humour. Beyond that, everything is fine.

If you are Russian you have the choice of being rich, brash, ruthless, vulgar, cold-hearted, cheap, and without taste ... or all of these.

I am all of these ...

Spaceba

Post Scriptovski. I am loving your new site look too much you Western decadent babes. Here in Moscow we have no problem with impotence, because no one can get erection when filled with 100% grain alcohol so women expect no better and are not disappointed. So instead of floppy cold intercourse in a freezing alley they try to look for hot UK passport held by bald, desperate Englishman.

by the power of Mugabe we see magic worked upon the world, turning what was good and clean into something pestilential, corrupt and obscene.

Mugabe needs a consultation with this Selman-Troytt character, not only to prove to him that his brain is rotting but to explore why his foreskin is tougher than elephant hide. As far as i can see, the whole Mugabe administration suffered an explosive communal bowel movement a long time ago, and out of it stepped Robert.

Hi all!
You are The Best!!!
G'night

Cheap ! Indeed, the nerve of the man.

Why must I be lambasted with such vitriol on your website.

This calumny committed against my person by your co-respondent Atpekarik, has somewhat upset the delicate nature of my well being.

Please discourage such outrageous vulgarities, in future. Otherwise, I shall be required to taken legal recourse against this website.

Sincerely,
Miss Agnes Tramadol

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Hi, every day I receive this (or other) message:
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Just a word of thanks to the person (team?) who wrote this. I think it's brilliant!

I've enjoyed several emissions just while reading it.